Advice to College Freshmen: 1910

First off, I am still alive and kicking. The end of the semester was crazy and I've worked all summer. Posting has fallen by the wayside, but I'm not abandoning the blog.

Another personal update, I start graduate school this month. I'm teaching history classes for the first time and I am so very excited. This is what I've been waiting for my entire life.

This post is dedicated to my little sister Hannah, who starts college this year. She doesn't read my blog, but it's dedicated to her and all her friends. If I had my way, they'd still all be in middle school.

College students in Washington D.C., 1910. Image: shorpy.com

I came across The College Freshman's Don't Book just this week. It was written in 1910 by George Fullerton Evans, and it's absolutely hysterical. The advice given to the college freshman of 1910 is still so pertinent today. If you want to read the book yourself, I've linked to it above. If you actually have a life, I'll hit the highlights here. So, without further ado, here's some advice for the college freshman of 1910, summarized by someone who was a college freshman back in 2010:

"Don't imagine that you own the College Town from the moment you strike it." Let me repeat: YOU DO NOT OWN YOUR COLLEGE TOWN. People lived there before you arrived, and will continue to do so when you leave. I can't stress this one enough. As a local, it's always so exciting when the college kids are on break. You can actually go places.

"Don't expect the College Town to furnish you with good weather; because it won't." This is especially true of Tuscaloosa. We have it all: 100+ degree summers that last into October, violent tornadoes, snow and ice, and flooding. I always take a sort of perverse pleasure in frightening newcomers with tales of the weather.

"Don't forget that sight-seeing relatives and others coming on a visit to the College, must see the Library, the Gymnasium, the Dining Hall, and the Athletic Field."  Always be prepared to play tour guide for visiting relatives. If you must, listen in whenever you pass someone giving a campus tour. You might learn something interesting you can pass on to your grandparents later on. You can also make stuff up, if you're so inclined.

"Don't think that your mere arrival at College has made you able to relieve Atlas in holding up the World." Don't delude yourself into thinking you're a grownup yet. Trust me, you're not. As appealing as adult life seems right now, just give it four years.

"Don't, if you can possibly side-step it, begin to live in a place which you do not like." If you have any choice in the matter, don't live in a place you absolutely hate. Also, try not to live with people you absolutely hate.

"Don't treat your Landlady shabbily if you happen to live in a private house." Be nice to your landlady/neighbors. It will make your life easier in the long run.

"Don't begin too early in the term to make your Landlady's house a noisy abode." If you make your landlady/neighbors miserable early on, they won't hesitate to make you miserable later. And you'll probably deserve every bit of it.

"Don't be discouraged if you can't find anything in the right place after the dusting lady has put things in order." Be wary of maintenance people. Most of them are probably lovely, but still, a stranger is coming into your place of residence. College students like to leave their money lying around, most often in the form of expensive electronics. Store them in safe places.

"Don't neglect taste in your room." Keep your room at least moderately clean. Were you raised in a barn?

"Don't try to make a royal residence of your room." It's a dorm room, not a palace. Don't go overboard.

"Don't think that you must have Turkish rugs." Buy cheap furniture. No one will ever know the difference, and at the end of the semester you may just decide that leaving it is easier than moving it out.

"Don't go in for a lot of fine china, the first term." Don't fill your room up with junk. Or anything breakable. It WILL get broken. There's a reason college students can't have anything nice.

"Don't get angry if a Senior comes into your room and looks about and smiles." In a couple of years, you'll realize that a dorm is just a place to sleep. You'll be totally over it then too.

"Don't overdo it with respect to furniture, even if you can afford it; it may make some of your visitors uncomfortable." Don't bring too much stuff. It WILL NOT FIT. And yeah, your visitors will be really uncomfortable if they can't walk because of all your stuff.

"Don't mistake the color of your College." When buying gear in your school colors, make sure you get the right shade. For instance, Alabama's color is CRIMSON. Arkansas, Georgia, and Ole Miss are RED. There's also a big difference between Auburn orange, Tennessee orange, and Texas orange. (They're all horrible, but they're totally different shades of horrible.) Some people will just assume you're colorblind. Most will assume you're stupid.

"Don't buy a roll-top desk or iron safe during your first year." Don't buy something huge your freshman year. Odds are, you won't live in the same place all four years, and you'll have to move it every time. I have friends who lived in a different place every year while they were in school. Before you buy that really cool antique roll-top desk from that estate sale, imagine moving it between two and six times in the next four years. Is it worth it? Probably not. In fact, it's probably the same desk that the 1910 freshman bought, and then had to move three different times while he was at school.

"Don't think you have fairly got on to things while the tray of your trunk is still unpacked." Don't live out your suitcase or laundry bag. It just gets sad after a while.

"Don't look too sober if hazing happens to be in vogue, and the Sophomores order you about." Obviously, hazing is no longer an accepted part of the college experience. Still, if you socialize with upperclassmen, they might give you a hard time at first. Suck it up and take don't take it too seriously. The cooler you play it the less time it lasts. Obviously, however, there's a big difference between joking around and legitimate abuse. Don't confuse the two.

"Don't neglect to receive visitors as if you were glad to see them." Don't act put out when people visit you. Don't neglect your studies, but don't be a miserable hermit. It's a delicate balance.

"Don't play the piano at all hours." Nobody, in the history of higher education has ever liked their loud neighbors' taste in music. In 1910 they didn't want you drunkenly carousing to Scott Joplin. A century later, neither do they want to hear your drunk ass singing along to "Drunk on a Plane" at 2 am on a Wednesday.

"Don't incur the anger of your Proctor by noisy conduct or disrespect." Don't make the RA mad. Some things never ever change. Safe to say, this is one of them.

"Don't wear your Prep-school hat-band or your High-school Fraternity pin upon your almost-manly chest." Don't flash your class ring or your three-month-old prom t-shirt. It's as good as having a flashing neon sign that says "FRESHMAN" following you around.

"Don't dress too 'sporty,' during the first term." Don't dress like you're about to hit the gym unless you are. Muscle shirts and spandex have no place in your Freshman Comp class. You'll look dumb.

"Don't wear long hair." Freshman year isn't the time to let yourself go. There's plenty of time for that later. If you want to grow it out later, go on with your bad self and do it. Just remember that your parents still need to recognize you when you come home for fall break.

"Don't feel it incumbent upon you to wear a beard or a mustache, if you happen to have raised one on the farm or in England, during the summer." Facial hair seldom looks as good as you think it does, gentlemen. A good many of you can't even grow a beard properly yet, you just don't realize it.

"Don't wear too much jewelry; an over-amount of it suggests trips to places where they loan money." You'll also look stupid. 

"Don't affect stick-pins bearing large horses' heads or horseshoes, thinking these will demonstrate that you keep a gig." Yeah, don't do that. By the way, a gig is a 'light two-wheeled carriage pulled by one horse.' Those are not the pussy wagons they once were, I guess.

"Don't carry a cane in your freshman year; something is very likely to happen to it." Most likely, the pimp you stole it from will come to take it back. You'll probably be beaten mercilessly, but will deserve every bit of it.

"Don't be found displaying a tall hat." No top hats. They're particularly rude in lecture halls.

"Don't think that crazy or odd clothes are necessarily 'College' clothes. Lots of College men do wear crazy clothes; but it isn't so much because they're College men, as because they're crazy."

On that beautifully true statement, I'll leave it for now. Be looking for the second half of this sometime tonight or tomorrow. At least, I'll give it the old college try.

Always,
Callie R.