More Twisted Nursery Rhymes

To make up for my abysmal updating lately, I bring you a second installment of "Twisted Nursery Rhymes." Enjoy the trauma. Not all of them are twisted, but they all went over your head as a child.

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn.

The sheep’s in the meadow, the cow’s in the corn.

Where’s the little boy who looks after the sheep?

He’s under the haystack fast asleep.

Little Boy Blue was first printed in 1744, but is likely much older. Edgar refers to it in Shakespeare’s King Lear. It is possible that the cow in the corn is not an actual cow, but rather an ancient Germanic corn spirit that took the form of a cow. An evil spirit, it stole the souls of those caught outside after dark.

Why are old maids associated with cats? Here's one reason:

Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?

I’ve been to London to look at the Queen.

Pussycat, pussycat, what did you there?

I frightened a little mouse under her chair.

Elizabeth I, the Virgin Queen, once had quite a fright when she found a mouse in the folds of her dress. From then on, she kept a cat.

An old Scottish riddle:

“I sat with my love and I drank with my love,

And my love she gave me light;

I’ll give any man a pint of wine

That’ll read my riddle right.”

The answer: A person is sitting in a chair made of the bones of a loved one, drinking out of the skull, and reading by the light of a candle made from bone marrow. However, anyone drunk enough to solve this riddle does NOT need another drop of alcohol. And if you’re hanging out with someone who solves this riddle sober, you need to reassess your life choices.

“Rock-a-bye Baby” is an English response to an old Polish folk tale about a young mother kidnapped by fairies. The baby’s grandmother tries to bargain with the fairy folk, but the fairies say the will feed the baby with dew when it’s hungry and rock it with a gently breeze when it’s sleepy.

Lucy Locket lost her pocket,

Kitty Fisher found it:

Nothing in it, nothing in it,

But the binding ‘round it.

Lucy and Kitty were both mistresses of Charles II, and this rhyme commemorates a shift in royal favor, from Lucy to Kitty. Congrats, parents, you taught your kids a rhyme about the 17^th century equivalent of the Diana-Charles-Camilla love triangle.

“The House the Jack Built” is a slightly altered version of an ancient Hebrew allegorical hymn, the Sepher Haggadah.

“Little Bo Peep” was actually a children’s game, and one we’re still familiar with. Today we call it peekaboo.

“Hector Protector was dressed all in green;

Hector Protector was sent to the Queen.

The Queen did not like him, nor more did the King,

So Hector Protector was sent back again.”

I thought this referred to Oliver Cromwell, the Lord Protector of England. However, it actually refers to Richard, Duke of York (1411-60). The king at the time was Henry VI, who was a lousy king. He was married to Margaret of Anjou. She reigned in her husband’s stead, and was quite ambitious. Richard was a claimant to the throne (read Shakespeare’s history plays to learn all about that!), and he and Margaret hated each other. He was made Margaret’s heir presumptive, so she banished him to Ireland to be rid of him in 1447. In 1450, Henry went insane, and Richard returned to England. This time, he was actually made Lord Protector and given control of the government. But Henry recovered, and in 1459 he and Margaret had a son, so Richard was out of a job. He was sent packing, but made one final attempt to gain the throne in 1460. He was killed in battle with Margaret’s forces.

“See, saw, sack-a-day!

Monmouth is a pretty boy,

Richmond is another.

Grafton is my only joy.

And why should I these three destroy

To please a pious brother!”

The Dukes of Monmouth, Richmond, and Grafton were illegitimate sons of Charles II. Charles had no legally recognized children, so the “pious brother” is James II, Charles’s brother and heir. Interestingly, Princess Diana was a descendant of Richmond and Grafton. When William ascends to the throne, he will be the first descendant of Charles II to reign.

Then, there’s the original “snitches get stitches:”

“Tell-tale tit!

Your tongue shall be slit,

And all the dogs in the town

Shall have a little bit!”

“Mistress Mary, quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells, and cockle shells,

And pretty maids all in a row.”

This rhyme was first recorded in the 18^th century, but its origins are unknown. It is possibly an allegory for Catholicism: Mary is, of course, the Blessed Virgin, the silver bells are the church bells, cockle shells are pilgrims’ badges, and pretty maids are nuns. It could be a reference to Mary, Queen of Scots: silver bells are her Catholic faith, cockle shells, her cheating husband, and pretty maids, her ladies-in-waiting. Additionally, it could be a reference to Mary I of England. “How does your garden grow?” could be a mocking reference to her infamous infertility. Her chief adviser was Stephen Gardiner. “Quite contrary” refers to her unsuccessful attempts to reverse her father’s religious changes and restore the Catholic Church in England. The “pretty maids all in a row” could be either another reference to her miscarriages, or to her many executions of rivals and Protestants, including the famously beautiful Lady Jane Grey.

Old Mother Goose, when she wanted to wander,

Would fly through the air on a very fine gander.

Mother Goose had a house, ‘twas built in a wood,

Where an owl at the door for sentinel stood.

Mother Goose originates at least from the 1600s, when she was often depicted as a witch, though sometimes merely a rustic woman. The similar Mother Hubbard was already a familiar stock character in 1590. The term “Mother Goose story” was already familiar in 1650. It is an erroneous but popular belief in New England that the real Mother Goose lived in Boston in the 1660s. She was the second wife of one Isaac Goose, and one of her daughters married a publisher, who compiled all the songs and rhymes Mother Goose sang to her grandchildren. Another belief is that Mother Goose was Bertha of Burgundy, wife of King Robert II of France (r 987-1031). She was called Bertha Goose-foot, and known for being a consummate storyteller.

The Lion and the Unicorn

Were fighting for the crown;

The Lion beat the Unicorn

All around the town.

Some gave them white bread,

And some gave them brown;

Some gave them plum cake

And sent them out of town.

The Lion is the heraldic supporter of the coat of arms of England, the Unicorn, of Scotland. This rhyme was first circulated sometime between 1603 and 1707, with many verses and versions added.

London Bridge likely dates to at least the 1660s and Charles I. No one is certain of its meaning, and theories range from the mundane wear and tear of the River Thames to Viking attacks. My personal favorite, and the one supported by the typically skeptical folk rhyme authorities Iona and Peter Opie, is that the song and accompanying game recalls the practice of a child sacrifice buried in the foundations of the old bridge. No archaeological evidence has been uncovered to support that, but not everything has been excavated. Additionally, the original lyrics include the chorus “Dance over, my Lady Lee.” The Leigh family has an ancient family tradition of a human sacrifice under the foundations of Stoneleigh Park, their manor house outside London, which could identify the mysterious Lady Lee of the song.

Oranges and lemons,

Say the bells of St. Clements.

You owe me five farthings,

Say the bells of St. Martin’s.

When will you pay me?

Say the bells of Old Bailey.

When I grow rich,

Say the bells of Shoreditch.

When will that be?

Say the bells of Stepney.

I do not know,

Says the great bell of Bow.

Here comes a candle to light you to bed,

Here comes a chopper to chop off your head!

This frankly morbid rhyme dates to at least 1665, when a popular dance was called “Oranges and Lemons.” The game is similar to London Bridge: one pair forms an archway, while the others pass under. On the last two lines, the archway pair brings down their arms, trapping the next couple. This archway formation is reminiscent of an English reel, adding credence to the idea that this was once a folk dance. St. Clements’s could refer to one of two churches, both of which are near the wharves where ships bearing citrus fruits would dock. St. Martin’s could be one of two churches in the district where the moneylenders lived. Selpuchre-without-Newgate is opposite the Old Bailey (London criminal court) and near the Fleet Street debtors’ prison. St Leonard’s is in Shoreditch, just outside the city walls, and just outside the wealthy district. St Dunstan’s is in Stepney, also just outside the city walls. Bow refers Marylebone in Cheapside. The meaning is unknown, but theories range from public beheadings, to child sacrifice, to the wives of Henry VIII.

Hey, diddle, diddle, the cat and the fiddle,

The cow jumped over the moon.

The little dog laughed to see such sport,

And the dish ran away with the spoon.

This rhyme dates to 1569, and its origins are unknown.  Some theorists have tried to connect it to: Hathor, Taurus, Canis Major, the Big Dipper, the Flight from Egypt, Elizabeth I, Lady Katherine Grey, Catholicism, Katherine of Aragon, Peter the Great, a governor of Calais, or the archaic game of trap-ball. However, the prevailing theory (and the one to which I subscribe) is that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and this is one instance where the rhyme is truly just childish nonsense.