Some Things Never Change: College Life

College has changed in some very important ways over the years. They let in women and black people. They let us pick what classes we take. Parking is horrendous, if not impossible. But one thing has been the same since time immemorial. College students LOVE to go nuts. Oh, yes. As rowdy as we tend to be in the twenty-first century, we had absolutely nothing on our forefathers. If we acted like undergrads did back in the early days of the University, we would all be promptly arrested.

This is part of a double post; this morning I'll give you the rules of the University. Later on today you'll get to find out why they had to make these rules in the first place. So Roll Tide!

These are the laws of the University, as set down in 1839.

•  You must be at least fourteen years old and not have been expelled from any other institution.
• As an incoming freshman, you must be familiar with arithmetic, geography, Latin, Greek, English, Ceasar's Gallic Wars, Sallust's Catiline and Jugurtha, the Bucolics and Georgics of Virgil, the Aeneid, and Jacob's Greek Reader. (I don't know about you, but that counts me out right there.)
• One month probationary period.
• Pay in advance. (Some things never change.)
• No fraternizing with the professors.
• If a professor knocks on the door of your dorm and you don't answer, he will break down the door.
• Each student will be discussed individually at each faculty meeting.
• Freshmen take Latin, Greek, algebra and geometry.
• Sophomores take Latin, Greek, plane and spherical trigonometry, surveying, mensuration, analytical geometry, navigation, integral and differential calculus, and logic.
• Juniors take languages, natural philosophy, rhetoric, chemistry, ancient and modern history.
• Seniors take moral and intellectual philosophy, astronomy, principles of taste, criticism, civil engineering, evidences of Christianity, vegetable and animal physiology, mineralogy, geology, and languages.
• You must deliver two speeches a year.
• Professors choose the textbooks.
• There are three recitations daily (whatever that means), and you study in between them. So this is a day at college back then: rise at six. Recitation from nine to noon, two to five, evening prayers, recitation seven to nine.
• No class on Saturday. Clubs meet on Saturday, but only during the daytime.
• Exams are oral and given in public.
• If you fail you must spend your vacation at the University then try again. Or you may be expelled or demoted.
• There are two public exhibitions a year. (From what I understand, they are essentially school plays.) Refusal to participate or going off script will result in expulsion.
• Church is required, twice a day, every day. And you must pay attention.
• No music on Sundays.
• You have an assigned seat in church.
• You must be in your room studying during the day. Curfew is nine PM.
• You may not attend parties, shows, or exhibitions without permission.
• No gambling, betting, dogs, liquor, visiting taverns, or hanging out with sketchy people. (Like that stopped them.)
• No forming clubs without permission.
• No throwing garbage or anything else out of dorm windows.
• No yelling, dancing, horseplay, or congregating during the day.
• No throwing or attending parties, except at graduation.
• You cannot attend any class at another school.
• You must wear your uniform everywhere in a five-mile radius of campus.
• You have two vacations a year. One is the three weeks after graduation, the other is from July 1st to September 1st.
• If you get back late, they don't have to let you back in.
• You are not allowed to remain in the city of Tuscaloosa during breaks. If you do, you will have assignments.
• Graduation is the second Monday in December.
• If you don't walk, you don't graduate.
• If you trash your dorm, the cost is split among all the roommates.
• You only have a certain allocation of lamp oil, coal, and firewood. Use it wisely.
• Library fines range from ten to forty cents, depending on the size of the book.
• Do not be rude or violent towards the RA.
• Food is served for a half-hour. If you don't show up then, you don't eat.
• You must say grace before meals.
• People who are not students cannot stay with you.
• Do not destroy the furniture.
• No swapping roommates.
• Don't change the dorm furniture or the room itself.
• If you do something wrong, the faculty will call you. They will ask you point blank if you are guilty. If you are honest, everything will be fine. If you lie or refuse to answer, you will be expelled. You will never be asked to rat on a fellow student.
• Respect the professors, behave in church, don't be a slob, be nice to your classmates, don't smoke in public places or in church, do not vandalize the chapel, do not write blasphemy or profanity on the chapel walls, do not deface Bibles that are not yours.
• Ignorance is no excuse for breaking the rules.
• High Offenses (punishable by expulsion and / or arrest): flagrant immorality, gross disrespect, rioting against the University or the citizens of Tuscaloosa, disobedience, obstruction of justice, dueling, keeping wine and liquor, possessing gunpowder or a deadly weapon, vandalism, mischief, resisting the law, indecent behavior, language or dress, habitual extravagance, attending sporting events or the theatre (ha ha ha), gambling, hanging out with people who have been expelled, or other sketchy people, making bonfires, illegal fireworks, public intoxication, or any other crime.
• If you are suspended, you must leave campus immediately, and you may not be within a five-mile radius of campus.
• You still have to do classwork during your suspension, and cannot be readmitted without having completed it.

Hope you enjoyed that little glimpse of the past. Doesn't it make college today seem like a walk in the park? Part two of this article will come out later today. Because they made all these rules for a reason. Why? Because the first few classes of students were freaking crazy, that's why. Tune in tonight, and Roll Tide!